Hello, Pondering! It can feel painful when you start noticing your friend acting this way. It is natural to question how genuine a person’s friends are when they start acting meanly suddenly. Whether they are having a bad day or being a generally unkind friend, there are signs that can reveal their true nature. The goal of a friend is to support you in all aspects of life and call you out if they notice you are doing something wrong. Unfortunately, some individuals will be friends to seek attention or for their own benefit. Here are multiple qualities you may be dealing with a bad friend.
If your friend doesn’t celebrate your achievements:, like an award or scholarship, and stays quiet instead of congratulating you, that can signal envy or lack of support. Real friends celebrate your wins. If someone talks badly about your accomplishments or downplays them, that’s a red flag and shows they may not genuinely care for you. You deserve to feel happy for yourself and others should celebrate with you. Friends are supposed to be there through the ups and downs and should be happy during your highs.
Your friend insults you/ makes fun of you around others: how would it feel to be constantly disrespected by your friend? It would hurt, and it would tell you that they are not the greenest flag in the forest. Insults and making fun can take form in multiple ways that seem subtle, but are red flags. One of these is if your friend is making fun of you or making comments as if you are below them to gain popularity or validation from other individuals. This often means that you are not being treated like a friend, but rather the motive of the individual is to use you as a stepping stone/tool for themselves. This is often used to make themselves feel superior because of low self-esteem. This can also take on the form of a joke. Remember that jokes are meant to be funny, and making fun of another individual, such as yourself, is not funny, and if they do, it is a clear sign of disrespect. Sometimes this will be used by the individual to gain validation. Remember, you are a person, not a doormat.
They tell you to change who you are and how to do so: Personality is something that separates us from other people. Sometimes friends will want to see a change in you if they notice that you are doing something harmful, and they want to improve the quality of your life. But it is important to recognize that some individuals will not appreciate you for who you are and will proceed to tell you how to change so that it fits their mindset of who they want you to be. Real friends who want to see a healthy change in you will be positive and encourage you along the way without making you feel drained. An individual who wants to change you to meet their standards in a toxic manner will heavily criticize you and leave you feeling drained. Because at the end of the day, a person who wants to change you for the better wants to see you grow as you are, and a bad friend will try to keep you down. The changing of your personality that toxic people want to see is due to them wanting to feel better because they want you to appear less than they are.
If you find yourself in the situation where you suspect that your friend is fake or is disrespecting you, don’t be afraid to tell them how you feel. An uncaring friendship will not succeed, and your peace should never be at the expense of someone who does not truly care about you.
Remember that the strong bonds offered in a Salesian community such as ILS which fulfills its mission of being a place where everyone can find “loving kindness,” offers you many positive opportunities and people. Stay strong!
